No matter how close you may be with your friends, there must be some personal limits in your friendship circle, both physical and emotional boundaries. Boundaries in healthy friendships are usually set naturally by spending time together. Here are some of my thoughts on setting boundaries in a friendship.
Every friendship is different, but there are certain things you never do or say to anyone, ever, these include:
- No physical abuse
- No emotional abuse
- No verbal abuse
- No malicious gossip
- No backstabbing or using a friend for your own gain
After you get beyond the universal boundaries that everyone should abide by, then you can decide which boundaries work best for your friendship. Granted, some of these are formed naturally like I stated earlier, but if you don’t like ambiguity, then you can sit down with a pad and pen and hash it out
Setting Boundaries
You can simply tell a friend what you do or do not appreciate, but setting out a whole list can be perceived presumptuous and can leave a negative tone in the relationship. A better option is to subtly give clues to what’s acceptable to you.
If you don’t enjoy late night phone calls especially after a long day at work, just let your phone go to voicemail and then the next time you talk to your friend, you can simply say ‘Sorry I missed your call, I’m so tired after work on most days that I make it a point I don’t answer after 10pm.’
Enforcing Boundaries
Setting your boundaries is one thing, enforcing it and making sure your friends respect it is another. Learn to communicate your preferences effectively.
However, if you find that your friends are not respective of your boundaries and continue to push, you may need to be a little more vocal about what you want and what you expect. Keep in mind that they may not realise they have crossed a boundary, so be gentle in your approach.
Forgiveness
Boundaries are fluid and they change overtime. If you find a friend has crossed a boundary (but not maliciously), forgive the person and go back to being friends. If you feel the need to have a conversation with your friend then do that but in a kind manner.
Benefits of Boundaries
Boundaries are beneficial in a friendship because they create a sense of comfort. They aren’t there to cause tension or be rigid rules, so if you may feel that your boundaries are driving your friends away, then it’s time to consider a compromise.
Remember, the main reason and benefit for boundaries is to make friendship circles comfortable where you can all be yourselves.
Are there certain boundaries that you’ve set in your friendship circles? Let’s talk.