Thinking…but is it about marriage or food? Maybe both…

I recently read a post on the key qualities you should be aware of when dating a man. As a result, I’ve decided to write this post because it’s something I’ve been thinking of for some time.

Marriage has been on my mind lately. It seems once you are over 25 it’s always at the forefront of your mind. At least that’s how it has been for me.

The desire to be married and the desire to be single are both very suitable paths. There should be no assumptions that getting married is the right path for everyone.

I always wonder about the old adage of settling for Mr Good Enough, the ultimate concept is that women should consider “settling” for a man who satisfies her major needs but may not fulfill her bucket list of wants. The point is that the qualities that make up a strong spouse are not necessarily the same which produce butterflies deep inside your stomach or physical desires.

In my personal journey so far and in the conversations I’ve been privileged to have with other women, I have found that there is this misconception that most women have when they are in search of the perfect man. I have concluded that most of us (yes I’m including myself) spend our 20s and 30s holding out for a 10 (which doesn’t exist- sorry ladies) and passing up on the 8s. Then these women find themselves in their late 30’s and early 40’s settling with a 5 because that’s all that is left. Pretty powerful concept. It knocked me back on my behind when I finally realised this, I didn’t want to settle for a 5 in the long run because I was on the lookout for a 10 in the immediate.

Back to the signs, let me first say that this may not apply to everyone. These are the signs I’ve decided are important to me:

You share important core beliefs and values: This is my number one for a reason. Connecting on a spiritual and emotional level is just as critical as the physical. Simply put, if you don’t align on the things that truly matter, it’s better to cut your losses now and start the search for the man who does. (*cut it, cut it…*)

You have fun together: Now we all have fun on the first 5 dates (at least try to), but I’m making reference to the hundred dates that follow. Are you able to laugh, have meaningful conversation, and truly enjoy each other for years to come?

Can you go on adventures together? I recently got lost in the forest over Valentines weekend. I wanted to cry in the moment because I didn’t want to be wandering around once it became dark, but I can find the funny side of it because I went through that experience with my significant other. We’re going to laugh about it for years to come. Can you wake up after 30 years together and still kick it like old friends? Ask yourself these types of questions and if your answer is yes, you might have a keeper.

He’s beyond honest: If you catch a scent of dishonesty, watch out! A man’s need to lie is a telling clue about his character and emotional health. It can indicate real insecurity, lack of integrity, or lack of moral standards. And if lying shows up consistently while dating, it’s possible to get worse during marriage. (I’ve been told by many married people that habits become notable once married). The flip-side: a man who consistently tells the truth is a man who doesn’t have something to hide. This is the type of guy worth marrying.(At this point I would like to insert a caveat, only you know the things going on in your relationship so only you can decide if a lie told is one that you can overlook or whether it’s detrimental. Men, like women can lie for various reasons. The final decision is yours.)

He fights fair (most of the time): Arguing is a part of every relationship, I’ve seen it and I’ve been in it. Of course there will be days where I just want to *jab jab, punch punch, uppercut*, but I’ve learnt that arguments should end with either an agreement, a compromise or a solution in order to move the relationship forward. This way you don’t lay bricks which build a wall of resentment you can’t climb over. With that said, at the end of the day, he must fight fair – not getting angry with each disagreement, not always needing to get the last word in or dropping to the level of throwing insults in place of mature discussion. He must NEVER hit below the belt. If your man can fight fair at least most of the time, it’s a good sign he’s worth marrying.

So where do you stand? Are you passing up 8’s to snag a mythical 10? Are you shooting for the moon and not willing to land on a star? How did this article make you feel? Leave me a comment below.